I was scrolling Instagram recently, as you do, when I found myself watching a video by 80s model and all round good-egg Jeny Howorth (I strongly recommend watching her videos when you’re in need of a lift. She’s not only hilarious, but incredibly upbeat). In this particular video, Jeny was eating homemade lemon curd on toast and talking about how easy it was to make. My initial reaction was to wrinkle my nose and say ‘urgh!’. Why? Because I hate lemon curd. How do I know? Because I’ve always hated lemon curd. As a kid, when my brother would tuck into lemon curd on toast, I’d sing ‘Phlegm n’ turd, phlegm n’ turd!’ (a pun of which I’m still proud, but I digress!).
All of which begs the question, so when did I actually last try lemon curd? Probably back in the mid-seventies, when I’d no doubt tasted it once, decided it was horrible, and relegated it to the ‘never to be touched again’ pile.
My loathing of lemon curd was also relegated to another pile – the ‘Dawn’s core beliefs’ pile. Core beliefs, kind of do what they say on the tin – they’re fundamental beliefs we hold to be true about ourselves and the world. These can range from the trivial – ‘I hate sprouts (or lemon curd), the positive – ‘I am kind and considerate’, to the deep, and often painfully held – ‘I’m boring’, ‘My nose is ugly’, ‘Nobody likes me’ etc.
More about those in a minute, but back to the lemon curd.
As I watched Jeny smearing the radioactive yellow spread on her toast, I could almost taste the tang of lemon on my tongue, which is when I remembered -I like lemons. It was then, that a challenging, nay, taboo thought rose up – maybe I should give lemon curd a try? Who knows, after 40+ years of avoiding the stuff, I might actually like it? So, off I went to Sainsburys and bought some of their fancy Taste the Difference lemon curd, and back home, made myself some toast. And you’ve guessed it, I absolutely loved it!
So, the moral of this story? Are the beliefs you hold about yourself still true, or are they past their sell-by date? Do you dare test them out? If so, like me, why not start small – and choose a food you’ve hated (but not actually tasted) for as long as you can remember. You might be surprised. And you might, as I did when I tried some sprouts a couple of years back, have those old beliefs confirmed. I still don’t like sprouts, but funnily enough, they weren’t actually as hideous as I remembered.
Once you’ve tested out some of the more ‘trivial’ beliefs, perhaps you can then look at some of the more deeply held ones. For example, you may have a core belief that you are boring. Perhaps a friend or relative made a mean or clumsy comment when you were a kid, and you’ve carried it with you ever since. It might rear up as nerves when you meet someone new, or as feelings of rejection when you suspect someone’s not really listening. The thing is with core beliefs, is we all have a confirmation bias – we unconsciously search for evidence to prove the things that we believe, ie: the colleague yawning as we chat that ‘proves’ we are dull – rather than focusing on the things that don’t prove them – ie: the fact we’ve lots of friends, or often get asked to do presentations at work.
Counselling can help you recognise the core beliefs you hold about yourself and the world (because they’re not always obvious to spot), and can help you challenge them where necessary. It might be that a belief, like my belief that ‘I hate lemon curd’ is out of date – it was true once but is no longer. Or it might be that a belief such as ‘I am boring’ or ‘Nobody likes me’ was never true at all.
When life gives you lemons, maybe don’t make lemonade after all. Make lemon curd. You might just find you like it – and yourself – more than you thought.